When I woke up on a sunny Saturday morning, I had plans to run some errands and enjoy the day. However, my plans were quickly disrupted as I opened my front door to find a large group of amateur cyclists blocking my road. It seemed that a cycling race had taken over my neighbourhood, much to my annoyance. This usually happens once a year, and this year I was especially proud because I missed the race in June when I went to see the Foo Fighters instead. However, to my annoyance, the race is happening twice this year.
I wouldn’t have minded too much if the cyclists were skilled and competitive, but to my dismay, they appeared to be a group of middle-aged weight challenged men who lacked talent and wobbled in their tight lycra outfits. It was clear that these men had far too much money to spend on fancy cycling gear but lacked the necessary skills to actually ride a bike properly.
For the next four hours, my road becomes a makeshift race track for these middle-aged men, causing chaos and disruption to my plans. I watch in frustration as they wobble up the hill next to my house, causing delays and creating a nuisance for everyone in the neighbourhood.
I am not in any way rebellious, but this annual occurrence (or twice a year) could push me into becoming a rebellious plotter to undermine the race and make sure it never returns to my neck of the woods again.
What can I do to jeopardise it? …………..
So next year, when my fat lycra-clad friends reappear, I could turn up dressed as Batwoman and race them on foot up the hill and scream absurdities at them. Or I could play a boombox full blast with the Benny Hill theme tune from my front garden as they wobble past my gate. Alternatively, I could set up a fake finish line just before my house that will keep my end of the street free for me.
So many things I can do next year and I have months to plan it…….watch this space! However, for today, I will just let my very hyper border collie play with the bikes.
Rockin' in my 50s: Love, Independence and Ageism 
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